Chuggin on!

That's what i'm doin, Jake has been gone for almost a week now at NTC and we are doing good! We had a blast this weekend. They do trick or treating here like i have never seen before lol! Some friends from Benning just arrived, they are stationed her too! And now another family will be leaving the beginning of Dec. to make their way here as well! A friend of Jacob's that lives here has been inviting us over every so often. Jacob has known him for a few years but his wife and i are just getting to know each other. I'm really excited because we seem to really be clicking, we have alot of fun. We get the families together n the men cook the main course while we work on a yummy dessert together and have a few cocktails;) I love to do anything involving charity or volunteer work and she has invited the boys and i to join her and her two children in serving thanksgiving dinner at the salvation army this year. Afterwards we will cook thanksgiving dinner for our families together;) These are sometimes the holidays i enjoy the most. It's always great to spend it with family, but it's also incredible to meet new people become friends and spend such blessed moments with them, that's what thanksgiving is about. Gathering together with the people you are grateful for. And i am more than grateful for the people that God sends our way! We had an incredible thanksgiving holiday last year with friends (i made two turkeys lol) and i'm looking forward to another one! I'm going to do my best to keep this updated so what few people do read can join us in our journeys!

Been awhile.......

Every civilian expects us Army wives to be super women. And we are. Seriously, we are. We move quicker, and more efficiently than any human should be able to. We learn how to fit boxes into a u haul that would take you a u haul and a half. We can pack a duffel, iron a crease, sew on a patch and hunt down missing uniform pieces at 4am like no other. We can and will feed however many soldiers walk through our door come end of the day,even if it means giving up our portion and lying our asses off that we "already ate." We will answer a call at anytime of the night and drive our husbands single friends home from the bar because we know how much they truly mean to him. We will clean each others houses, cook each other meals, watch each others kids and grocery shop for one another when we are to damn sick or to damn sad. And then we won't even tell anyone we did it because no one needs to know there was a weak moment. We will drive you to the Dr. and sit with your kids, or hold your hold if you're in pain.We make friends anywhere, the Doctors office, grocery store, bathroom at the movie theatre and the community pool. Sometimes it freaks people out;)  When our husbands are gone we are in even higher rare form we can pack 2 billion activities into one day and still have hours to sit and wonder about our husbands safe return. I don't care what anyone tells you not a damn one of us is good at deployments. Some do better than others, some barely manage at all. I do well, i stay busy,but it's the knowing it's coming that kills me. Gets me into a funk and eats at me. From the moment i get the news i watch everything he does, burning it into my memory. I watch him sleep, play xbox, talk on the phone, eat. And i think, how will i live? How can i possibly do this without him again? But i will, and i know it. I'll keep busy helping out friends n family, volunteer, go visiting people i have been to busy to get to see. And be ready to at any moment cut anyone (even the pope himself) off in mid sentence if my phone rings a gvt number lol. Ok that is not true i have never left a mass to take his phone call but anything else i drop like a hot rock. Cell phone on high laptop volume on high skype logged in and both on my pillow is how i sleep. When i do. Then he will come home in one piece and we will laugh like we were silly for worrying, even though we weren't silly at all. And when something happens and it was someone else not him i will have the most disgusting and disturbing sense of relief. But ugh, i do not feel Army wifish today, nor did i yesterday! I do not feel super wifish super mommyish or any of those other titles i proudly claim. Today i feel sluggish, i feel down, i miss my friends, i don't want to focus on the upcoming deployment yet it's always there. And i'm super sad the kids are about to start school back up. I've tried everything, i have spent hours outside with the sun on my face, i am doing fun activities with Jake n the boys, and i'm enjoying them. But at the end of the day i am again feeling like i didn't do enough.i'm trying to accomplish as much as we can before the impending doom. This is me being selfish and i'm not even kidding pure selfishness, mentally stamping my feet like a two year old. I do not at this moment want to share my husband with my country. But i will. Please don't hold this against me, because i'm sure in a few days i will be super HOOAH for you all once again.

So the kids came home today saying their teachers said they need to keep the windows and the doors locked because of bin laden and watch for anything "weird" and turn it in. So they checked the windows and doors right then and there. Then we went to get the brakes fixed and the t.v. at goodyear was on.....they had a million questions about chemical warfare and wmd's and all kinds of other stuff. So i suffered through the flu, and goodyear breaking the news to me that my car would cost twice the estimate to try and explain as best i could. I gotta tell you it was kind of tough. I feel like the school went about it all the wrong way, i realize they are military children and they are expected to be more "aware" and more "insightful" of worldly ways. But did they really have to say keep the windows and doors locked at all times? Because frankly if they come to our house we are dead! No window or door will stop that, especially not in custer village lol i'm pretty sure even I could kick these doors in! So At ten Jonah wakes back up and grogglily recruits me to help check the windows and doors again. GRRR Fort Benning schools, i can't help but think there was a better way to go about this.

Ding dong the witch is dead.....

And another one will take his place. While every part of me is glad Bin Laden is now dead, and so much of me knows he deserved worse than death. The vengeful part of me thinks why kill him why not capture him and kill his family and wipe out his nation? Not very becoming of me i realize! But that's hooah for ya! Other parts of me has to think, what does this mean? What does this mean for our boys? While we all rejoice our boys are over there facing the unknown, we have no idea what is going to happen. While some may rejoice, some may revolt. As an Army wife do you ever feel so damn selfish for repeatedly thanking God that it isn't YOUR husband over there? Because i do sometimes, right now is one of those times. One of my friends status' reads "we are fighting a movement not just a man." Those are just the words i was looking for, once it hit me his death was true. We just made a big step, but now i fear that step is going to make things worse before it makes things better. I'll be working the Lazarus tomorrow and i will attend the noon mass. When i do, to the friends that are over there, to the friends who are going and to the friends who are here at home waiting on their loved ones. You best believe i will be on my knees tomorrow at noon rosary in hand praying for you. And it will be my voice that says "for our guys n gals deployed and deploying, for the extra strength to deal with the aftermath. And for their loved ones left here at home. Lord hear our prayer."

What it means

Being an Army wife (or any military branch) means dealing with the unexpected. We get to take on twice the load and learn to always have a plan b. When we talk to non military about it we speak of the hassles of moving, deployments, winging it alone half the time. What we don't typically broach is the subject of how when our guys come home they are different. Some alot, some so little that to anyone but us it's virtually unnoticeable. I have been so fortunate as to befriend a few Army Wives of times past. Women whose husbands did multiple tours in Vietnam and i admire them so much. We were speaking of the effects of war and the changes we specifically have seen. Now Jacob's are pretty minimal, he seems to be right in the normal range no more bad effects than the next guy. But still i notice them, and as his wife i worry about them. They were saying the problems us wives have now with our guys are way worse than back then and i was saying no way that was 'nam! Lol, well then we got on the subject of family members and friends not being able to understand the changes and sometimes even not noticing them at all. I had made the comment i just wish for Jacob's sake that everyone could understand and acknowledge that he is different. Just because he isn't completely damaged and broken doesn't mean that he still doesn't need the support. And she said the simplest thing. She said " Baby, they aren't gonna understand so just leave it be and do what you gotta do for him yourself. They just can't understand and they don't want to see it so leave it be." I get so worked up sometimes because Jacob being my husband i think of course he deserves the best, he deserves everyone to understand him, get him, and accept his changes and still love him. I never feel like he gets enough phone calls or emails etc. And i'm not saying he has no one from back home because he definately does. All i needed to do was simplify it, quit over analyzing and quit expecting things out of people that they are incapable of giving. Thank you to a wise army wife with a few more years under her belt than i.

Faith, Memories, n St. Anthony

I've said it before and i will continue to say, i do not know how i would live without my faith. Daily my dear sweet Jesus answers my prayers and continues to give me signs. Last Sunday, i was speaking with some fellow ccd teachers about a problem one of them is having. I told her of a similar problem we are having and as soon as we can afford a lawyer we will get it taken care of but until then we are tired and simply cannot fight anymore. So i go into mass with the boys and an older couple sits next to us in the pew. All through mass the man kept smiling at me. I was assuming because of how well behaved my boys were and how well they participated in the mass. As mass ends and we are standing to leave the man turns to me and says, let me just give you my card darlin and i want you to know if i can ever help you in any way..... I immediately knew this was the work of the Lord. I could barely speak because i was in the middle of this epiphany lol so i just nodded n said thank you. Afterwards was the Seder supper so we went on into the hall and got situated. We went through the seder and then lined up to receive our lamb. The gentleman who had spoken to me was standing behind me so i turned to him and explained that i didn't mean to be rude earlier but that....and explained what i just told you. He told me never to mind he understood, so we began talking and he asked questions about our "issue." When i was done i told him we would love to get advice from him but we couldn't afford the actual work done yet however i believed God sent him to me for a reason so when we could afford it he would be our guy. He looked and me and he said ma'am your husband is in the military is he not? Well yes, i replied. And then he told me of some of his works in helping out military personnel throughout the years being something he likes to do. So i am to call him this week. INCREDIBLE! When i told Jacob he was working so he listened and we had to hang up. About five minutes later (i'm guessing around the time it sank in) He text me "babe, God is so good to us" and he's right.
Today was one of my days volunteering at the Lazarus and i of course had a time. I love that place, i believe it's in my make up to be a helpful person. Volunteering makes me feel happier and healthier and i never seem to tire of it. I will so dearly miss my times with my church family, especially my Miss Mary. Today i spent a bit of time following her around instead of actually getting down to the real work Lol and she didn't seem to mind. I think she knows i'm starting to get sad to leave her. We were going through some ccd stuff getting ready for the first communion kids tonight to decorate their boards for first communion, and we came across some tiny books of saints and she gave me two of them which she had blessed by the Pope when she was in New York. YAY! Lol Everyone that knows me knows that these are types of things i treasure. Mementos given by friends, memories for me to put around the house. I have never been one to decorate normally. I like better to surround myself in memories, things with meaning not with a designer name;)
Also today the saddest thing happened to all who believe i ask for prayers to St. Anthony. A man who does maintenance around the church had his wallet stolen and inside of it was a plastic bag containing a lock of his deceased wifes hair and a  letter she wrote him along with her drivers license. He keeps them on him to give him strength and i watched him break down today in tears. We searched around hoping they would have tossed the bag because it was of no worth but we had no luck. Because of the Lazarus and the fact that our church is open to the homeless for meals and a place to rest and watch some t.v. in the hall leaves the chance that the people coming in may steal from us. And they do, Father had written a check out and laid it on the church office counter for the bookeeper and it to came up missing around the same time:( So i will be praying and i ask you to as well that whoever did this possibly would have tossed these items. The check would have been no good to them since the name was already made out on it. And the items of the mans wife would also be of no use:( My heart goes out to him i know what it's like to attatch yourself to something that seems petty because you connect it with a lost loved one.

The types of days i live for

Let me just start with, I hate allergies. And allergies down here are so much worse! However, I have had an incredible day with my children and i loved it. These are the days i live for, the days i won't get back so i choose not to waste. We went to Jonah's ballgame at 1730 and he did AWESOME. I was pleased to witness Jonah's grand slam of the day. And he was all to pleased to grin for me in the dugout afterwords.Afterwards we went to Family fishing night at Russ pond. Where we were doin pretty good but we weren't catching anything. A couple was next to us and the man came over and was so kind and helpful he explained to the kids they needed to take their bobbers off and fish on the bottom. It was moments after this tip that they atarted reelin em in. It was so kind of them to help, it made me remember why i love living on post. I love the unity and the brotherhood, there is something about these men that makes them want to help out each others wives. I have watched Jacob do it countless times, notice a wife alone with her kids and make the effort to help out. I didn't even know this couple and Jacob rarely knows the women he helps out. Which makes it all the more amazing and treasurable. Moments like these make your heart swell up with pride for you husband his career and his country. Because of Jacob that man helped me. He knew that Jacob couldn't be here to help us so he decided to take a few moments away from his own children to help us. And i would like to believe that he did it in the faith that while he is gone someone will do the same for his wife. The most common question i am asked by civilians is "do you miss your family" and i always say something like yes, but you get used to it. Simply because i don't know how to explain to them the family we have. The ability to make friends move and start again. But we do it easily because we all have a common bond, all of our husbands are heroes. All of our husbands stir emotion inside the hearts of our hometown. It's an incredible feeling to be SO proud of your husband and know that the entire country is as well. Getting back to my kiddos though, we fished and giggled and had a blast. We had so much fun the three of us that when Jonah hooked me and about ripped my thumb off we laughed right through it. Then we came home and watched Lemonade Mouth a movie they have been waiting to see and snuggled. I love days like this, days that end in contentment.