What it means

Being an Army wife (or any military branch) means dealing with the unexpected. We get to take on twice the load and learn to always have a plan b. When we talk to non military about it we speak of the hassles of moving, deployments, winging it alone half the time. What we don't typically broach is the subject of how when our guys come home they are different. Some alot, some so little that to anyone but us it's virtually unnoticeable. I have been so fortunate as to befriend a few Army Wives of times past. Women whose husbands did multiple tours in Vietnam and i admire them so much. We were speaking of the effects of war and the changes we specifically have seen. Now Jacob's are pretty minimal, he seems to be right in the normal range no more bad effects than the next guy. But still i notice them, and as his wife i worry about them. They were saying the problems us wives have now with our guys are way worse than back then and i was saying no way that was 'nam! Lol, well then we got on the subject of family members and friends not being able to understand the changes and sometimes even not noticing them at all. I had made the comment i just wish for Jacob's sake that everyone could understand and acknowledge that he is different. Just because he isn't completely damaged and broken doesn't mean that he still doesn't need the support. And she said the simplest thing. She said " Baby, they aren't gonna understand so just leave it be and do what you gotta do for him yourself. They just can't understand and they don't want to see it so leave it be." I get so worked up sometimes because Jacob being my husband i think of course he deserves the best, he deserves everyone to understand him, get him, and accept his changes and still love him. I never feel like he gets enough phone calls or emails etc. And i'm not saying he has no one from back home because he definately does. All i needed to do was simplify it, quit over analyzing and quit expecting things out of people that they are incapable of giving. Thank you to a wise army wife with a few more years under her belt than i.

Faith, Memories, n St. Anthony

I've said it before and i will continue to say, i do not know how i would live without my faith. Daily my dear sweet Jesus answers my prayers and continues to give me signs. Last Sunday, i was speaking with some fellow ccd teachers about a problem one of them is having. I told her of a similar problem we are having and as soon as we can afford a lawyer we will get it taken care of but until then we are tired and simply cannot fight anymore. So i go into mass with the boys and an older couple sits next to us in the pew. All through mass the man kept smiling at me. I was assuming because of how well behaved my boys were and how well they participated in the mass. As mass ends and we are standing to leave the man turns to me and says, let me just give you my card darlin and i want you to know if i can ever help you in any way..... I immediately knew this was the work of the Lord. I could barely speak because i was in the middle of this epiphany lol so i just nodded n said thank you. Afterwards was the Seder supper so we went on into the hall and got situated. We went through the seder and then lined up to receive our lamb. The gentleman who had spoken to me was standing behind me so i turned to him and explained that i didn't mean to be rude earlier but that....and explained what i just told you. He told me never to mind he understood, so we began talking and he asked questions about our "issue." When i was done i told him we would love to get advice from him but we couldn't afford the actual work done yet however i believed God sent him to me for a reason so when we could afford it he would be our guy. He looked and me and he said ma'am your husband is in the military is he not? Well yes, i replied. And then he told me of some of his works in helping out military personnel throughout the years being something he likes to do. So i am to call him this week. INCREDIBLE! When i told Jacob he was working so he listened and we had to hang up. About five minutes later (i'm guessing around the time it sank in) He text me "babe, God is so good to us" and he's right.
Today was one of my days volunteering at the Lazarus and i of course had a time. I love that place, i believe it's in my make up to be a helpful person. Volunteering makes me feel happier and healthier and i never seem to tire of it. I will so dearly miss my times with my church family, especially my Miss Mary. Today i spent a bit of time following her around instead of actually getting down to the real work Lol and she didn't seem to mind. I think she knows i'm starting to get sad to leave her. We were going through some ccd stuff getting ready for the first communion kids tonight to decorate their boards for first communion, and we came across some tiny books of saints and she gave me two of them which she had blessed by the Pope when she was in New York. YAY! Lol Everyone that knows me knows that these are types of things i treasure. Mementos given by friends, memories for me to put around the house. I have never been one to decorate normally. I like better to surround myself in memories, things with meaning not with a designer name;)
Also today the saddest thing happened to all who believe i ask for prayers to St. Anthony. A man who does maintenance around the church had his wallet stolen and inside of it was a plastic bag containing a lock of his deceased wifes hair and a  letter she wrote him along with her drivers license. He keeps them on him to give him strength and i watched him break down today in tears. We searched around hoping they would have tossed the bag because it was of no worth but we had no luck. Because of the Lazarus and the fact that our church is open to the homeless for meals and a place to rest and watch some t.v. in the hall leaves the chance that the people coming in may steal from us. And they do, Father had written a check out and laid it on the church office counter for the bookeeper and it to came up missing around the same time:( So i will be praying and i ask you to as well that whoever did this possibly would have tossed these items. The check would have been no good to them since the name was already made out on it. And the items of the mans wife would also be of no use:( My heart goes out to him i know what it's like to attatch yourself to something that seems petty because you connect it with a lost loved one.

The types of days i live for

Let me just start with, I hate allergies. And allergies down here are so much worse! However, I have had an incredible day with my children and i loved it. These are the days i live for, the days i won't get back so i choose not to waste. We went to Jonah's ballgame at 1730 and he did AWESOME. I was pleased to witness Jonah's grand slam of the day. And he was all to pleased to grin for me in the dugout afterwords.Afterwards we went to Family fishing night at Russ pond. Where we were doin pretty good but we weren't catching anything. A couple was next to us and the man came over and was so kind and helpful he explained to the kids they needed to take their bobbers off and fish on the bottom. It was moments after this tip that they atarted reelin em in. It was so kind of them to help, it made me remember why i love living on post. I love the unity and the brotherhood, there is something about these men that makes them want to help out each others wives. I have watched Jacob do it countless times, notice a wife alone with her kids and make the effort to help out. I didn't even know this couple and Jacob rarely knows the women he helps out. Which makes it all the more amazing and treasurable. Moments like these make your heart swell up with pride for you husband his career and his country. Because of Jacob that man helped me. He knew that Jacob couldn't be here to help us so he decided to take a few moments away from his own children to help us. And i would like to believe that he did it in the faith that while he is gone someone will do the same for his wife. The most common question i am asked by civilians is "do you miss your family" and i always say something like yes, but you get used to it. Simply because i don't know how to explain to them the family we have. The ability to make friends move and start again. But we do it easily because we all have a common bond, all of our husbands are heroes. All of our husbands stir emotion inside the hearts of our hometown. It's an incredible feeling to be SO proud of your husband and know that the entire country is as well. Getting back to my kiddos though, we fished and giggled and had a blast. We had so much fun the three of us that when Jonah hooked me and about ripped my thumb off we laughed right through it. Then we came home and watched Lemonade Mouth a movie they have been waiting to see and snuggled. I love days like this, days that end in contentment.

Little Miss Fix alot

That's me Miss Fix alot, i swear i am a jack of all trades. Or a "Jane" of all trades lol whatever. Normally it makes me happy but today is a GRRRR day!So today Jonah made a HUGE mistake and i spent all day fixing it. Jonah's mistake uncovered a rather large mistake made by my husband and i will be spending the next few days fixing it. Jonah is taking the heat and silently taking his punishment and not whining, Jacob on the other hand is passin the buck......is there something wrong with this picture? I believe my eight year old just displayed a higher level of maturity in this particular instance. Ugh i am raising a friggen 27 yr old. Wasn't he supposed to be all raised by the time i got him? I would like to talk to the people in charge of this matter. Don't i have a warranty? Can't someone fix this? LOL I don't want to give him back but i would like him fixed;) Ugh anyways everything is so much more complicated in Army life and let me tell you after today, i need a shot of HOOAH because mine has a leak somewhere and is dribbling out. And it's causing me to get cranky and annoyed with the Army. Even though they were all just doing their job.

Chaos!

Well, this whole government shutdown has started to get to me. The internet and facebook are only doing my mind damage. For weeks now i have laughed at people for believing this, and believed none of it would happen. I still believe it will be fixed before anything drastic happens but the fact they would use my husband as a pawn urks me. Why him? Why he who lays his life on the line for every other person in this country. Why should he not get payed? I realize the plan is for it to never even happen and to just rattle the other sides cages but then they don't cave they stand fir and bluff as well. The other thing that is driving me crazy is the arguing this has caused, and the lack of common sense in some of the things people are saying. Ugh i just want it to be over with but one thing is for sure they picked the wrong people as a pawn. You know that saying don't bite the hand that feed you? well we need a new one...something like Don't slap the face of your protector and turn around and continue to expect his protection!

7 Days since daddy left......

Well tomorow is exactly a week since Jake left, and it's been a rough and tiring one. The first day being the most tiring one! It just so happened his flight was delayed and he left at 4am on the 1st.....which happened to be field day....which this momma had volunteered for thinking daddy would be gone! So of course the night before we stayed up talking, canoodling and, such and fell asleep around 0200.
0430 we arrive at the airport.
0630 we see him though security and give our hugs and kisses.
0700 home trying to fall asleep
0800 my head jerks from the alarm going off we are late field day is beginning in 30 minutes
0830 i get a dirty look as i am signing in and realize i don't have my i.d. run back to the car...
0900 i am volunteered to race my son in push ups....ha ha ha real funny! I pathetically push out 29!
1400 i explain to the kids mommy needs a nap so i leave and go home to nap for an hour and a half before the boys get home only for the phone to ring......
1430 my husband graciously allows me off the phone to let me get some rest....
1645 the boys come busting through the door at which time they are exhausted so we spend the next few hours cuddling and watching movies until dinner
2030 my friend who's husband is in Korea and i take our kiddos to movie under the stars. As i cuddle with my children under our big quilt on wetherby field along with hundreds of other Army wives i miss my husband dearly, but if this is how and whom with i am to spend it i am grateful.
So today it's been seven days and an eventful week. The kids had spring break and THANK GOD because i may have died of loneliness! We have had so much fun, hiking through nature trails at Laurels, the gun range with Brandi n Laurel, an Army wife and kiddos luncheon, baseball practices, gardening, and dinners out with friends. Tonight we decided after b ball practice to stay in.I loved that ;) we watched toy story 3 and made popcorn and chicken sandwiches. Ugh this will be a very long few months but i can only be grateful he is safely tucked away in a barracks room in Fort Lee, not the formidable Iraq or Afghanistan. On Sunday Father Tom made the mistake of announcing to the church that Jacob was deployed,  which sent the boys ( who were serving) into a bit of a panic. The poor souls were fumbling through the rest of mass. I explained to them we would never lie to them like that daddy is safe and sound! But the thought of deployment terrifies them, bad things happen during deployments. And during these things parents pretend everything is ok. They know though, they know that crying is a daily occurrence at school. They know their friends dad got hurt and anothers mom was killed. And so on. Tonight while talking to Jacob i heard Jonah say.."are you tired?" i knew what he was doing....looking for signs of distress, paying attention to the surroundings and making sure daddy is truly "safe and sound" as we say. That was the biggest thing when Jake was in Iraq, he was exhausted. He would commonly fall asleep on the phone with us, but we didn't dare hang up. I would quietly take the phone from the kids and sit there listening to his breaths. Because those breaths were magical and calming. They meant he was ok.